The Ex Factor

So today I had a brilliantly awful idea. Have you ever had one of them? You know the kind I’m talking about, where you think it’s a great idea and then the second you pull the trigger you’re like crap, shouldn’t have done that, and you wish you had just thought for like 2 seconds.


Today, Fat Amy was smarter than me. Not only did I think, but I actually said out loud “hey, I haven’t facebook stalked my ex in a while…”

To which my work wife replied “Ha! Gonna see how fat he got?”

“hahaha…..HOLY SHIT!”

I kid you not, I think I said (and typed) HOLY SHIT at least 20 times within 5 minutes.

You guys! Never do this! There is a reason these people are in your past and not your present!

What information did I find out? That he and his wife are expecting their first child soon.


OK, let’s recap for those of you who don’t know me well, or don’t know who I’m talking about, because I’m still doing this whole “protect the innocent” thing for some reason.

This is the guy who

  • got me to walk away from my church and the majority of my faith
  • caused me to lose most of my friends
  • convinced me that completely changing who I was and everything I stood for was a NORMAL part of being in a relationship
  • didn’t have the balls to break up with me so I had to do it, while his friends were over, because I couldn’t take it anymore
  • I still had to live with for a few months because I had nowhere else to go
  • I’m confident cheated on me, even though he’ll deny it until the day he dies
  • thought it would be a GREAT idea to bring said girl to my new place to drop off the rest of my stuff

side note: that was the day I LOST it on him. I have never dropped so many f-bombs in my entire life

  • without going into great detail basically, violently ripped my heart out of my chest, tore it into a million and one pieces, chewed it up, swallowed it and then threw it back up directly into my mouth

Was that last part too much? hahaha sorry.

I can’t tell you how many lies I caught him in, nor could I tell you why I stuck around for 3 years. All I can say is that I was unaware that the human heart could ACTUALLY HURT. Heartbreak isn’t a phrase, it’s a reality!

Now, when I found out he was engaged to “Thing” (and I’ll use that name, because that’s the name he used so I “wouldn’t find out” lol so stupid). Anyway, when I found out he was engaged to Thing my first honest reaction wasn’t bad. I figured, if everything that went down between us was going to go down, at least it was because he found the one he was “in theory” supposed to be with and not because he was bored with me.

But my first reaction to he and Thing having a child?

Why the heck does he get to be married and have kids and I don’t? What did he do to deserve that?

I know people can change, as my friend Zack so nicely pointed out to me:


 *place foot directly in mouth*

but it’s so frustrating! Because every time I think I’m getting close to that chapter in my life something happens that throws me right back to where I started, and this guy, THIS GUY…UGH! It may be naive of me but, I like to think that someone who did me so wrong doesn’t get to have happy things in his life. Hahaha ridiculous, I know.

I will tell you this though, there isn’t one little tiny fiber of my being that wants him back. I’ll take his motorcycle, his dog and his niece haha, but not him. No thank you. In the words of Carrie Underwood:


And there you have it. My venting session for today.

So tell me, have you ever stalked your ex on social media? What unpleasant (or hilarious) things have you discovered? I want to know!