We all know I’m pregnant. I’m due in 15 days (but who’s counting) and like most pregnant women at this point, I’d be totally fine if she decided to come earlier than that.
This is supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life, right? And for the most part it is. I’d say 99% of it is. But somehow, through the course of all this, I lost a friend and I have no idea how. Not just any friend either, someone I was incredibly close to for a very long time.
And it hurts.
It hurts that I’ve reached out numerous times, only to get ignored.
It hurts that they used to be like family, but now I can’t look at a picture of them without sadness.
It hurts that I’ve been unfollowed on Instagram (and probably Facebook) but all the friends and family that this person met through me are still there. Still followed. Still liked. Still commented on. Still loved. And I get nothing.
It hurts that seemingly the only reason that they dropped me is because I’m pregnant, yet they’re fine with other people being pregnant.
It hurts that they love kids, but they probably won’t love mine.
It hurts that they’re happy for one of my best friends who just had a baby, but they probably won’t be happy for me.
It hurts that they’re happy to play with their friend’s kids and love on them, but they probably won’t even acknowledge mine.
It hurts that we’ve had disagreements and issues in the past and have never once had a problem talking them through, except apparently this time.
It hurts that I have absolutely no idea what I did or didn’t do to have this happen, and therefore have no idea how to fix it or even get past it. One day the friendship was there and the next day it was gone. It feels like a break-up. One of those ones where your significant other just up and leaves you and you’re left holding the pieces wondering what the hell just happened.
Now, it would be very easy for me to sit here and wallow in self-pity and sadness (which, believe me, my hormones are begging for me to do) but I’m trying to rise above it. This blog post is a compromise between my head and my hormones – Ha! I don’t even know if that’s a thing! But hey, I’m trying here.
It’s time to stop focusing on the 1% and focus on the 99.
And you know what? Part of that 99 is that I haven’t been completely blocked, so there’s still hope of restoration. And the rest of the 99 is so full of people who love and support me that when I think about it, it’s honestly completely overwhelming. No exaggeration. I know the 1% might still hurt every now and then, but I also know that if I keep my gaze on the 99 (and power through these freakin hormones) I’m going to be just fine.
So cheers, 99, thanks for making my life so amazing. I wouldn’t survive it without you.