Dear Single Christian Woman

I know what you’re thinking. What right do I, a married woman, have to write to you about being single? Well, I was the Single Christian Woman (SCW) until I was 32 years old. So I feel like I know a thing or two about this subject.

You’re probably already looking for potential in any single guy at your church and your heart leaps when someone new walks in.

You find yourself going to any and all church events, at multiple churches, in the hopes of finding someone.

You go to conferences. You go to open mic nights or talent shows. You go to nights of worship. Basically anything you can where you could meet someone.

Because where are you supposed to meet a man of quality? At the bar? At the club? If you’re out of school your options are probably church or the internet. And internet dating is another world. Not to mention that if you DO find someone, and they go to another church, oh man! What then? Are you going to leave your family, or are they? Who wins that? And is it really a “win” if you or your man are miserable because you left your home? I guess if it’s meant to be God will change someone’s heart, but that was always one of my fears. Thankfully, my story never came to this.

Now, if they haven’t yet, chances are any of your older and/or married friends (heck, even acquaintances!) at church are going to do one – or all – of four things.

  1. They’ll try and set you up with any single Christian man they can find. It doesn’t matter if they know the person or not. Basically, the only thing they need to know is that you’re both single. Actual “compatibility” is not in their realm of necessity.
  2. They’ll automatically assume that any male you sit next to at church is your future husband. Heck, you’re probably already dating him! Good for you! …but seriously, why can’t we be friends with guys without people assuming there’s more?
  3. They’ll encourage you to pursue someone. If this happens, make them stop. You are the girl. You are to be pursued! I don’t care if they’re the Pastor of the church or someone you met once, you do not do the pursuing. If they feel that strongly about it, they should go to the guy and tell HIM to pursue YOU. Then tell them to go read Wild at Heart, Captivating, and Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
  4. They’ll make it their life’s mission to pray your husband in. Do not get mad at them for this! I repeat: DO NOT GET MAD! Thank them. Continuously. This is the single most helpful thing they can do for you. And if their prayer is “Lord, let her find her husband before I find mine. I’ve been married before, she deserves this before I do.” you make sure they’re invited to your wedding and get the best thank you card possible. They put their life on hold for you. It’s the least you can do.

See, I’m not only writing to you about bad things! Just mostly bad things 😉

You need to remember that single Christian men are in the same boat as you. Well, a different boat, but the same river. And they’re probably going to all the same events thinking the same thing. Is that the girl I’m going to marry?  I just have one bit of advice for this situation. If he uses the pick-up line “I was praying, and God told me we’re supposed to be together.” Run. But before you do, let him down nicely with something like ” well, He hasn’t said anything to me yet, so let’s wait and see” and then run.

But more than anything, I want to leave you with this:

Run after the Lord, focus on Him, learn to be content with where you’re at, and trust that He will bring the perfect man into your life at the perfect time.

And don’t get down on yourself thinking that you’re doing something wrong or that you heard the Lord wrong. There are two (ok three…no Jesus Jukers please) parts to a relationship and while you may have all your garbage dealt with and are living your life the best you can, maybe he isn’t. Maybe he still has junk to get rid of and things to deal with before he’s ready for YOU.

So if you feel like it’s taking a long time, pray for him. You never know what your prayers will do.



This seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately, but for the first time I’m on the outside looking in. Usually I’m the one trying to juggle everything and fit everything onto my plate, praying nothing falls off.

Afro-American woman juggling objects

Sometimes you can’t stop things like this from happening, but most of the time you can. It just takes a little thing called: a voice.

That’s right. You need to stick up for yourself and set boundaries. Everyone’s “plate” is a different size, and no one knows exactly what’s on yours, so don’t let people add too much! And don’t be afraid to say no – even if it’s to yourself!

If you have too much going on, there’s a good chance you’re going to miss an opportunity, or forget something, or forget someONE, or cause someone else to fail. I’ve seen all of this happen in the last week and a half.

Don’t be that guy. Nobody likes that guy.

Not to mention there’s a good chance you’ll get sick. In my experience, when I put too much on my plate my body eventually shuts down.

Yes, you are valuable.

Yes, you are capable of many things.

No, you shouldn’t have to do everything.

There are plenty of people who are capable of doing things also, and either deserve to do them, or NEED to do them because they’re lazy bums who put things on your plate so they can sit around and do nothing.

Don’t be afraid to spread the load around. Things will move much smoother, I promise.