Of this I am certain. Some days I’m more aware of it than others, but the more I look back, the more surprised I am that a film crew hasn’t popped out from behind some bushes screaming “CUT! THAT’S IT! WE GOT IT! THAT’S A WRAP!”
- There are the countless times I find myself having a dance party for one, usually while I’m cooking or cleaning, and I’m usually using something as a microphone – a hairbrush, a spoon, the remote; basically whatever is in my hand at the time. Of course, in my mind, it’s so much more than me in front of my mirror looking like a crazy person and thankfully (for the potentially hidden camera crew) I’m typically dressed for these outbursts.
- Then there’s the numerous times I’m completely oblivious when a guy likes me. People usually have to tell me, and even then there’s a good chance I won’t believe them. And if I do believe them, regardless of whether I like the guy or not, I become hella-awkward. It seems to be a great time for all involved.
- Pretty much any story I can come up with from my crazy ex roommate.
- The time she tried to set me up with “the perfect guy” by listing every quality she could remember about me and showing me what looked like a picture of a picture of said man
- The time I woke up to loud laughter in the living room at 3am. Apparently it was James Franco…cuz, y’know, they were dating
- All the messes I had to clean up, including (but not limited to) her cat’s litter box, the garbage on the back deck because some animal ripped into the bag that shouldn’t have been there in the first place and crumbs from pretty much everything
- The time I confronted her because she took things from my room without asking and ruined them
- All the times I had to hound her for money
- The time she bashed me to people she didn’t know I was friends with…and bashed said friend’s brother at the same time
I could continue, but I won’t.
- Then there was the time I decided to stop straightening my hair.
Patrick: So, what part of the chick flick is this?
Patrick: Your hair. I mean, it looks good, but I’ve never seen you wear it like that before.
Me: Uh…the part where she says “screw it!” and embraces her natural crazy hair?
- I’ve been on some pretty bad blind dates.
- One guy must have driven to Starbies thinking to himself “what are all the awful things about me? I’m going to pull every skeleton out of my closet as possible tonight”
- We can’t forget the guy who was overly excited about everything
- One guy flat out told me I was intimidating…not exactly what a girl goes for
- One held my hand across the table at a restaurant. I’ve only ever been comfortable with that once, and even that shocked me
- I’ve been on some pretty great dates too
- I met one guy online and the first time we met we went to batting cages. He brought me a flower that he picked from where he worked (huge points) and held it in his teeth to prove that he indeed was the man I was meeting. I, in turn, did a cartwheel to prove my identity
- I’ve been taken to sporting events (major league and minor league) where they’ve had to deal with the fact that I’m a crazy, boisterous fan…because I love sports
- One guy took me to a few of his secret spots where he goes to think or just be. I got to feed ducks in one of those locations
- We can’t forget about the number of formal dresses I have from weddings. You know the phrase “always a bridesmaid, never a bride”? Or how about the movie 27 dresses? As soon as I saw that movie, I accepted it was going to be my life. I’m up to about 12 right now, and I only foresee that number growing by the end of the year. At least I’m not up to 27…and at least none of them look like this:
- I kissed a girl and I liked it
OK, this one probably needs a bit of an explanation. I was at the casino for my PIC’s birthday with her bf and his best friend. I have no idea what started this conversation, but I heared her say “Jessica is beautiful! I would totally kiss her!” …and she did. Much to the shock and amusement of the guys we were with.
It’s a special moment we’ll all share in our hearts for years to come.
- I’ve been known to enjoy karaoke with my friends.
With alcohol or not, I rock the mic SO HARD
- The slapstick
Oh, the slapstick. Just yesterday I was jogging with a friend at about 650am when we came across a dollar bill on the street. I quickly stepped on it and joyfully picked it up. She looked forward an saw another one and went for it…but the wind kicked up…and we wound up chasing a dollar down the street trying to step on it, while a guy in a truck and a school bus watched. We eventually won, but not before almost dying of laughter
- The simple fact that I may be single, but I have the best friends and family in the world who do ridiculous things with me and for me
I’m sure there are many other reasons why my life falls into this genre, and I really wish I could remember them all. I need to start writing stuff down, because one day there just may be a movie about my life.