Explosions, Fires and Stink Bombs

We open in the presidential suite of a hotel in London that overlooks Big Ben. A father and his daughter are there with a girl and they’re talking about New York City. The girl doesn’t really know anything about the city because she only ever goes there for work (and we all know that traveling for work is pretty much the exact opposite of traveling for play). They agree to take her when they get back to the states and show her more than 42nd Street between Grand Central and 6th, since that’s pretty much all she knows, and she’s very grateful. 

She leaves their room and hears a HUGE explosion in the hotel. She opens the doorway to the stairs and sees smoke and flames billowing from it. She doesn’t want to go that way but she knows it’s her only option, so she heads in and prays for the best. 

A few floors down she makes it “safely” to a dark and ominous machine room where she is immediately told that she needs to be ready to secure the equipment by the time the next explosion happens. She doesn’t understand why it’s all of a sudden “her job” to do this, but no one cares to give her an answer, so she sucks it up and agrees. They tell her that she needs to figure out how to cover everything up, they don’t care with what (a sheet of metal, a folding chair, doesn’t matter) but she’s not allowed to execute anything until the next blast happens. She rushes around the room finding anything she can and preps everything so she’ll be ready. She pushes through people who are running the opposite way, presumably to safety, and finds a corner to cower in and wait. 

Once everyone is out she covers her head. She knows what’s about to happen. BOOM! The room shakes and fills with smoke. Clearly the explosion was close. Her ears were ringing, breathing was nearly impossible and she could barely see but she knew what she had to do. She rushed to the equipment, covered it like she was supposed to and ran back to the stairwell to continue her descent out of the hotel, all the while thinking Why me? Why did I have to do this? When will I be able to breathe again? When will I be able to hear again? Where is everyone? 

She stumbled out onto a patio, gasping for air and unable to stand. She eventually composes herself enough to get up and find help, clearly traumatized by the whole experience. As she stumbles towards the medic trailer that was brought in she sees someone she has known for a very long time and has always been there for her and falls into his arms. She begins sobbing and letting herself feel every emotion that’s raging through her because she finally reached a safe place, but with no words, he takes her arms and removes them from his sides. He can’t deal with her right now. She is confused but goes with it, wipes the tears from her face and continues on to the trailer. 

Inside she sees 4 people: a doctor, someone laying on a table with a walking cast on his foot, a friend of hers sitting with the guy on the table, and a man guarding the door. She walks up to her friend to try and talk but gets pushed away by the doctor. Apparently since she didn’t have any broken bones they didn’t care about helping her. She turns to leave and the man guarding the door hands her something. “Here” he says, “you’ll need this.”

“What is it?” she asks, clearly never having seen anything like it before. It was the color of a pickle in the shape of an egg but felt like a water balloon. 

“It’s a stink bomb. You’re welcome” he grumbles. “Now go!” And with that, she gets pushed out of the trailer.

Squinting until her eyes adjust she looks around to see a field and a group of people that are having a picnic under a big tree. She walks towards them hoping someone would at least give her some sort of normalcy when suddenly, someone gets up and pointing behind her screams “LOOK OUT!” and everyone starts running away from the medic trailer. She joins them, not understanding what’s going on. One of the people sees that she has this stink bomb in her hand, takes it from her and says “what are you doing with that?!” and throws it. They stop running and she stares at him in disbelief. “I’m sorry” he says, “you’ll thank me one day.” He looks around and starts jogging away, leaving her in the middle of a field, alone, with nothing to protect her. 

What the heck just happened?

…And then I woke up. It took me a minute to compose myself, because that girl was me, and I really did have to think “what the heck just happened?” haha. But I realized that even though some times I might feel like I’m all alone and that everyone and everything is against me and that no one cares that I’m hurt or upset, it’s not the truth. I am SO thankful for the people in my life that I know I can turn to without a moment’s notice and they’ll be there for me. They’re rock stars, and I don’t know where I’d be without them.

10 Things I’ve Learned from Primetime Sitcoms

1. Nothing good ever happens after 2am – How I Met Your Mother

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Seriously, think back to a time when you were awake at 2am or later. Maybe you were with a new love interest, maybe you were with friends, maybe you were by yourself. Did you make a good decision? Doubtful. Chances are, you fooled around with him/her and made things awkward in the morning or you leaned out of the car window and participated in a “paintball drive-by” or you started thinking too much and wound up bawling your eyes out. Not that I’ve done any of these things…but take a tip from my friend Ted Mosby and just go to bed. You’ll thank yourself in the morning.

2. If you get picked for jury duty you can always get out of it – 30 Rock

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I’ve never been picked for jury duty (knock on wood) and to be honest, I don’t think I could pull a Liz Lemon. But it’s good to know the option is there.

3. Sometimes you need to pump yourself up for the day – New Girl

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Because other than putting on makeup and doing your hair, what else are mirrors for? Haha seriously though, there’s power in your words and your thoughts and it’s really important to speak highly of yourself. Declare truths over yourself at the beginning of the day. Remind yourself how amazing you are.

4. If you love someone, do something about it – Big Bang Theory

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The quote is funny, but the words are true. If you like or love someone, do something about it! People aren’t mind-readers and they won’t know where they stand with you if you don’t tell them. Don’t assume someone knows how you feel, tell them. And tell them often! Unless you’re telling them you hate them…then you may want to just say it once haha

5. Sometimes guys don’t get a say – FRIENDS

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I actually quote this line fairly often. No offense guys, but you don’t really get a say when it has to do with our bodies. I once dated a guy (please note the past tense) who said to me “haven’t you had, like, a million of them? Aren’t you used to it by now?” regarding cramps and my period. SERIOUSLY? He’s lucky I didn’t rip his head off and just responded with “how about I kick you in the balls every time it hurts with the intensity of the cramp and you tell me if you get used to it!” Ha! That shut him up! He would also tell me things like “oh your boobs don’t hurt”. Right, because they’re attached to you, not me. So I quote Rachel Green: No uterus, no opinion! Sorry guys.

6. Sometimes you just gotta dance! – Parks & Rec

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hahahaha Gonna be honest, I just wanted to use this gif. It makes me so happy! Look at Ron, all drunk and not caring. Love – It! Seriously though, busting a move has got to be good for the soul, even if it’s only for a few seconds.

7. It’s important to be yourself – Will & Grace

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If you think you’re awesome and feel like making an entrance, then by all means DO IT! Be you, because if you’re not, who will?

8. Turning 30 is not the end of the world – FRIENDS

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Pretty sure I was having a quarter life crisis the few months leading up to my 30th birthday. But when all was said and done, I survived! I don’t really feel that old…most of the time haha as long as I don’t talk about age with people. I’m 31 now and I still don’t believe it. I look and feel like I’m still in my 20’s, so that’s what I’m going with.

9. Caffeine is bad – Will & Grace

Besides this being one of my favorite moments on Will & Grace, it’s strangely familiar. Caffeine is bad bad bad news for me. I get all giggly and fidgety, I can’t sit still, I talk super fast (faster than usual) and loud, and I’m probably going to sing a lot, and dance. But the worst part is the morning after, it’s worse than a hangover. Never. Again.

10. Best friends will believe for you – Parks & Rec

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There are a lot of times in life that you lose hope and you feel like you can’t go on or nothing good will ever happen. That’s when friends come in. They’ll believe in you and for you when you don’t. I recently had a friend of mine say she believed I’d get married one day and it almost brought me to tears, because most days I don’t feel like that’s a possibility. I’ve also had the opportunity recently to believe for a friend that she’ll get through the hell she’s walking through, even if she doesn’t believe it, and I really do. Have a friend. Be a friend. It helps the world go ’round.

Silver Linings

When you’re growing up you can’t wait until you’re 16 so you can drive.

Then you can’t wait til you’re 18 so you can buy cigarettes (if you’re into that sort of thing, personally the smell makes me gag).

Then you can’t wait til you’re 21 so you can buy alcohol and gamble (great things we’re putting such weight on, society, well done)

THEN you can’t wait til you’re 24 (I think) so you can rent a car.

What’s left after that? Well, if you ask my grandmother, it’s just death and taxes. How lovely. The only things I can count on happening are death and taxes? Thanks gram. So motivational.

Well, since I didn’t die today (yay!), I did my taxes and I realized something. Usually it’s a depressing thought that I’m not married and don’t have any kids and don’t own a home. But when it comes time for taxes, I can power through them! It’s just me and a car, since I can’t claim my cats as dependents (even though sometimes I feel like I should be able to). Could I get more of my money back if I had some of those other things? Probably. But for the sake of fast-laning taxes I’m happy. Plus I didn’t have to pay this year, so I’m even more happy!

Side note: I just saw something on the news about middle school students snorting Smarties. Seriously? What’s wrong with people these days?

I also figure you can count on weather happening. More specifically: snow (unless you’re blessed to live somewhere like St. Thomas where it’s always 81 degrees and sunny). I still don’t like snow, and I probably never will, but this time I’m actually ok with it. Why? Because I’m home and don’t have to drive in it, I have everything I need for baking something delicious tomorrow and I can stay home and relax, giving my body time to fight off this sickness. Plus I have some work I can do from home, so the day won’t be a total loss. Life is all about the silver lining guys.

You stay safe, New England.

Musings From a Long Drive

Everyone has their go-to when they need to clear their head, mine is driving. My friend Caitlin does the same, but she’s more of a “5mph down back roads” kinda head-clearing driver. That would drive me insane (no pun intended). Put me on the highway and let me go!

In a lot of ways I live my life in the fast lane. If there’s a way to streamline something and make it go by faster, I’ll find it, and perfect it. When I worked in the service desk at Shaw’s people used to want my job because “I stood around and didn’t do anything” ha! What they didn’t realize was all the work I got done in my first hour or two. If I power through things I have time to stand around or do something else.

I realize this could be a bad thing too, because I’m sure there have been times where I’ve been so go-go-go that I missed things. But I try and not dwell on that. And ironically enough, the things I REALLY want and have always wanted have yet to happen. No amount of streamlining or fast-laning works for those. It probably hinders it, knowing my luck.

But I digress, because this blog isn’t about my obsession with making things happen as fast as possible. Maybe one day we’ll get into that, but today is not that day. Neither is tomorrow. We’ll touch on some other obsessions though, so hold on!

On Saturday, this little guy had a 1st birthday party

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which meant I got to take the hour and a half (ish) drive to Walpole, MA. And my mom was working which meant I got to take that drive by myself. No offense to my mom, but I was pretty excited. Sometimes you I just need to go for a drive by yourself myself and this was the perfect opportunity considering I had an actual destination. A lot of times I want to get in the car and go, but I’m afraid of where I’ll end up if I don’t have a place in mind. I need someone to tell me where to stop!

So I plugged in my phone, put on my 90’s pop station on pandora, and was off. Pretty sure I hit every form of precipitation along the way too. I started out with nothing, then went into rain, then sleet, then snow. Too much snow. Side note, I’m SO done with winter and it’s shenanigans. 

I realize this may just be me, but I LOVE when beats match up. For example, when my windshield wipers go to the beat of the music. Mr. Jones by Counting Crows was PERFECT for the speed of my wipers in the rain. This made me smile and sing along even more. And this morning I realized that running on the treadmill at 5.2 mph is the perfect speed if you’re listening to The King Is Here by Kim Walker-Smith. Does this make me a crazy person? Don’t answer that…

Along with the good tunes and top-of-the-lungs sing-alongs I got to thinking about how blessed I am. I was off to spend an afternoon with my family, and was happy about it. Not too many people in my world can say that. They either live too far away from their family or they’re just not that close with them. I am so thankful that neither of those are the case for me and that I’m able to do these day trips (for the most part – I do have a cousin in VA and one in NC). Plus, super adorable children were involved in this one, so really, it was a huge win. Even though it snowed.

I’ve been given such a heart for family, and I’m not just talking by blood. It breaks my heart when I see how broken some families are. Don’t get me wrong, mine isn’t perfect by any stretch of the means, but they’re mine, and I love them. And equally as important: they love me, unconditionally. Like family should. No matter how many times my grandmother tries to wipe my tattoos off of me or tells me to tan myself dark enough so you can’t see them (HA!), I know she loves me. (Seriously. There’s a picture of her trying to wipe my first tattoo off of me somewhere, I just can’t find it.)

EVERYONE deserves to know and feel this love. I believe this so strongly that I contemplate adoption probably entirely too often for my own good. And I’m not just talking about infants, there are pre-teens and teens out there that desperately need to know the love and support of a family. If I had the space and money, I’m really not sure what would stop me. 

Along with deep things like family and adoption I also contemplate more “serious” things while I drive, like why does my butt fall asleep after an hour? Or why is it that when you have to pee so badly you keep drinking, regardless of how many times you yell at yourself for it? And why don’t I just stop so I can pee instead of testing my luck, and my bladder? Or how can drivers be SO DUMB?! It’s quite the place, my brain, quite the place. Gotta love it.

 

Monster Cake Verdict

If you’ll remember, yesterday I wrote about the Monster Energy Cake that I made with one of my goddaughters. Well, the verdict is in! I know you’ve all been dying to know (HA!). According to Andrew it was good, and definitely tasted like Monster, but was too sugary. And I have to agree. I only had a couple bites and I was all set, and cake is usually one of my weaknesses (along with dark chocolate). But he liked it, and that’s all that matters.

I got to go to Julia’s concert last night too, middle school band and chorus. She did great! BUT, the highlight of my night was the little boy who sat “behind” us. I put “behind” in quotes because he mainly sat next to Ed (Julia’s dad) the whole time. Julia requested that we record her 3 songs on her phone so she could watch them later, so we did, and our little buddy (who was probably about 18 months) stood on the chair next to Ed the whole time, leaned on his shoulder and watched the concert on the phone. Hilarious! Every now and then he would pick up his head and look at Ed or point at the phone, but for the most part he was completely enamored by what was happening. Absolutely adorable. His mom eventually moved up to our row to try and keep him under control but that just resulted in him trying to take a hair clip out of some other woman’s hair. I never got his name but I did get a high-five, and thanked the mom for the added entertainment. Little kids are so great!

Here are some pictures from the night:

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Julia singing at her concert

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Lighting the candles

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Me and the birthday boy! I love this guy

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Blowing out the candles

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Supportive and excited sisters

 

The picture quality isn’t that great but what do you want from me? I’m using an iPhone.

Happy Friday everyone!

Goddaughter Bonding

I may not have any children of my own (yet) but that’s ok, because I’m blessed to have 4 amazing godchildren. 2 boys (Andrew and Isaac) and 2 girls (Leila and Julia) between the ages of 11 and 15 and MAN are they a blast!

Today is Andrew’s 15th birthday so last night I went over their house and baked a secret cake for him with Leila. The kid is obsessed with Monster Energy Drink so we decided to make him a cake that looks like the can and we even flavored the cake and buttercream with Monster. I’m sure he’ll like it, hopefully the rest of us will too! I’ll report back on that tomorrow.

Leila and I both like to bake from scratch and try and not use box mixes whenever possible but last night, it wasn’t possible given our time constraints. As it was, we weren’t done decorating the cake until after 9pm and she still needed to shower and go to bed so she could be up for school today. We did make our own frosting and fondant though, and here’s how:

MONSTER ENERGY CAKE

Cake

  • 1 box funfetti cake mix
  • 1 + 1/4 cup Monster Energy Drink

Mix it together and bake like the box says. Super easy.

Buttercream Frosting

  • 3 sticks of room temp butter
  • 1tsp vanilla extract
  • 6 cups confectioners sugar
  • a few spashes of Monster Energy Drink

Beat the butter until it’s smooth; add the vanilla; add the confectioners sugar one cup at a time; add the Monster until you have the right consistency.

Fondant

  • 1 small bag of mini marshmallows
  • 2tbs water
  • almost a whole bag of confectioners sugar
  • crisco

Put the marshmallows and water in a microwaveable bowl; in 30 second increments heat it up and stir until they’re melted; spread crisco on your work space and cover your hands like it’s lotion; knead the confectioners sugar into the marshmallows until it’s no longer sticky (this works best if you have someone helping so they can add more sugar as needed).

While we waited for the cake to bake and cool we played Threesies (a card game) and regardless of the valiant effort I made, Andrew was still kicking my butt. At this point Julia got home from her school concert with her dad and they took over for us so Leila and I could finish the cake.

Here are some pictures from the night. Enjoy!

ImageLeila making the fondant

ImageI made the buttercream

ImageFINAL PRODUCT!ImageImageLeila made a little tough guy out of fondant

ImageUs with our masterpiece

ImageAnd I had to add a picture of Julia, because she looked so pretty all dressed up for her concert!

Lowdown of a Monday on the Down Low

For the last 5 years or so Monday nights have (for the most part) been dedicated to a little thing I like to call Raucci Monday. A night dedicated to the joy and merriment of myself and my bestie Christine McGuinness and anyone we deemed worthy of crashing a RM. Christine used to be a Raucci until she married the most perfect guy for her this past October, so that’s where the name came from. Plus it has a nicer ring to it than Blaha Monday. Blaha Monday sounds like a drag. Anyway, my partner in crime has officially started Nursing School as of this evening (yay!! so proud of her!!!) so here I sit, home alone on a Monday.

Before you go and feel sorry for me, don’t. I’ve had a very enjoyable evening so far. I started out with some soothing and calm music and about 40 minutes of yoga. I’m still on the beginner levels because I don’t do this often enough to advance on, but I enjoy it…unless I have to do the easy staff pose.

ImageAin’t nothin easy about this pose! 

My ENTIRE body shakes the second I get into it, and the session I did had this pose in it about 8 times. Awful. Absolutely awful. I’m afraid for the regular staff pose if this is what they consider easy. I didn’t cry though, so there’s that! I was trying to be all calm and zen but between the friggin “easy” staff pose and my cats whining outside my door because they wanted to come in, because sometimes they’re more like dogs than cats, I couldn’t fully relax. But they eventually got over it and I was able to finish my sesh in peace.

Then I drew myself a nice detox bath which was made up of 1/2 cup of baking soda and 1 cup of lavender epsom salt and watched an episode of New Girl thanks to Netflix and my iPad. The only thing that would’ve made it better would have been a deep claw-footed tub. Oh man, one of those will be in my dream home for sure. I’d take baths all the time if I didn’t have to contort myself to fit under the water, but I guess that’s where the yoga comes in. I’ll get bendy one of these days.

The calmness of the bath was pretty short lived too, because of Mia, my cat. She somehow got the bathroom door open and decided to pace the edge of the tub while yelling at me and trying to figure out how to sit on my lap and not get wet. Thankfully, she didn’t try too hard, otherwise I’d probably be at the clinic right now due to copious amounts of cat scratches.

Instead, I put on my comfiest of pajamas, made myself some dinner (an egg sandwich, because I’m too lazy to do more than that tonight) and sat down to write this. Sadly, it’s taken me about an hour to formulate this completely unexciting post due to the fact that I thought it’d be a great idea to watch an episode of Chuck at the same time. Lesson learned. Don’t blog while watching TV, even if you don’t have ADD, it’ll show up.

Now, please excuse me while I go find something to snack on and watch How I Met Your Mother.

UPDATE: this was all she wanted

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